Justin and I took an intimacy rituals class this past weekend. It was hosted in Sausalito at this super cute yoga studio. I just love Justin and his commitment to forever growing our bond and bringing us closer together in different ways. I was especially open to this class because we soon will be entering a new chapter- we will go from 2 to 3 soon and everything will shift. Long gone will be the days when we can come home and give our undivided attention to each other. Long gone will be the days when we can do adventurous and sporadic things together. Long gone will be the days when we can just cuddle up on the couch all day long and watch movies. Soon our days will be filled with baby cries, spit up, changing diapers, lack of sleep and everything in between. So when he brought the class to me, it was the idea of learning new rituals to help us reset and reconnect in the midst of all the soon to come chaos that really drew me in. Even now, during my pregnancy and after getting married, there has been a shift. Our intimacy has grown in so many ways because of this new little human that we are growing and sharing. There are days when I am just so tired or so emotional and Justin has been so in tune with me. Whether it’s a back rub or just holding me and letting me cry in his chest- he has been able to comfort me without feeling the need to ask questions or understand. And to be honest, half the time, I don’t even understand it. On the flip side, there are also days when I feel like we’re maybe not on the same page emotionally which is normal, but having extra tools to help us navigate that is always a plus in my book.
This class also helped me to see how much I’ve grown as an individual and as a partner. It also showed me how much my trust in Justin has grown. It was a 2 hour event with 4 couples total including the instructor and her partner. Us and one other couple were married, the instructor and her partner were not married but also expecting their first child together and the other couple were so new- literally on their 5th date. I thought that was so cool. I am all about sharing experiences but to be brave enough to open up to a person you barely know at that level of intimacy on the 5th date…well, I commend them. There were 4 rituals that we went through. The first was eye gazing, the second was Relationship Church, the third was learning the different modalities of touch and the 4th was connecting through all 5 senses.
Eye Gazing
When Justin and I first started dating, literally like the 3rd or 4th time we hung out, he asked me to meditate with him. Before we meditated, he asked me if I was comfortable with making eye contact for x amount of time. I was up for the challenge but man was it uncomfortable. We sat across from each other on the floor of his bedroom while he timed us for 5 minutes. I laughed and smiled the whole time which kept him from really being able to fully see me- a protection mechanism because at the time, vulnerability on that level was so foreign to me. Fast forward nearly 3 years later, a full circle moment- when she asked us to partake in this ritual, I had never felt more safe or open. This time I wasn’t laughing, my legs weren’t shaking nervously, and I wasn’t overthinking anything. In fact, I was calm, I was open and I was showing up as me. I looked into his eyes and just felt so much gratitude. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling- and not because I was uncomfortable, but because I was genuinely so happy and so grateful in that moment. Looking into his eyes, I felt seen, accepted and so loved. Such a full circle moment.
Relationship Church
We sat on the floor, right across from each other holding hands and were each given 2 minutes to share our appreciations, 2 minutes to share our desires, 2 minutes to share our fears and 2 minutes to share our loves for each other. This practice wasn’t about offering each other feedback or encouragement. It was purely about listening, receiving and expressing gratitude. If I was sharing my appreciations, Justin’s only job was to listen and receive and at the end of the 2 minutes, just say thank you and vice versa. So for two minutes, I shared all of the things that I appreciate about him or that he’s done for me. I got through about 4 appreciations before I couldn’t hold back my tears. His kindness, his gentleness, how he always makes sure I am walking on the inside of the street or sidewalk, how he always makes sure I’m fed, his willingness and commitment to expanding our relationship in so many different ways. The next two minutes we expressed our fears- this was hard. The amount of vulnerability it took for this- it hadn’t dawned on me that I was fearful of these things until I started expressing them aloud; how our relationship will change when the baby is here, becoming a mom, parenting, losing myself, the thought of post partum depression, not being able to fulfill or meet Justin’s needs, not being able to fulfill both roles of being a wife and a mom, just to name a few. I really had to breathe through that- but as I was expressing my fears, I could feel and see in Justin’s eyes the genuine care and concern. The last two were a bit easier to get through- my desires and my loves. What I desire about Justin or just in life, for myself, for my son, for our family. What I love about Justin- his eyes, his strength, his patience, the way he always makes me feel protected. As emotional as it was for me, this ritual really gave me a sense of reconnection, release and reset. I let out a huge deep breathe afterwards and really just wanted to give Justin the biggest hug and kiss. Such a great way to reconnect, release anything you’ve been harboring, and a great way to reground yourselves as a couple.
Touch
This was more of a educational piece on the different types of touch and also empowered us to be able to express how we would like to be touched by our partners and in turn asking them how they would like to touch us. It was totally PG and also allowed for the idea of consent. When your partner expresses wanting to try something new or whatever that looks like, remember to allow yourself the opportunity to take a step back and ask yourself how you feel about it and if you’re actually open to it. Always check in with yourself and always know you have every right to say no, thank you.
5 Senses
This was fun and super lighthearted. We used different things to heighten our 5 senses and we made it fun with teasing, sensuality and gentleness. It was nice to see how Justin reacted to the different sensations and also how the different senses made me feel. We got in a comfortable position to receive and closed our eyes. The first was touch- which we used a rose for to drag across the skin and all the while, you’re thinking to yourself “how does this make me feel?”. The second was taste- see picture to the left where Justin is teasing me with chocolate. The third was smell- we were each given a different essential oil and essentially enticed each other. The 4th, listening where we whispered sweet nothings into each other’s ears and the 5th was sight and we did more eye gazing. This was a simple practice that we are able to incorporate into your every day lives playfully or even more intentionally.
We ended the class with expressing with what each of our takeaways from the class were. My takeaways were leaving with new rituals to put into practice and just have in our arsenal as we soon enter into this new chapter of parenthood that will enable us to be able to still be present within our relationship and with each other. I also left feeling more grounded and with a stronger sense of connection to Justin. It’s definitely not your typical date night, but I loved every minute of it. In a room full of strangers, it felt like it was just him and I- so present, so open and so engaged with each other. We ended the night with a trip to In n’ Out- our mutual love language for each other and it was truly a Sunday afternoon well spent.
You can find more information about the host (Iryna Sulim) of the class here. She is a Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and her and her partner were so chill and open and just made the experience really easy and enjoyable.
All and all, so much gratitude for love, intimacy, new experiences and learning new things! Happy Gratituesday ❤
LAH - 