Self-love; mind, BODY and soul. I’m 29 and just scratching the surface of truly exploring each of these areas within myself. Growing into the woman that I am today has been molded by so many different experiences, learning lessons, mental and emotional challenges, realizations and accomplishments. I have struggled for years, maybe even most of my life with insecurities of not being good enough, not doing enough, not looking a certain way, this that and the other. It took a major toll on my mental and drove me to look for love in other people, bury myself in distractions, isolate myself often times, or put a smile on and act like the life of the party other times…anything to get out of my own head. I have always been very self-aware- however there were spurts in time where it was clouded which then ended up turning all those issues into anxiety. It wasn’t until the end of last year, that I had to take a hard look in the mirror. Who am I?
I AM a woman.
I AM a woman of substance.
I AM a woman of power.
I AM a woman of beauty- inside and out.
I AM a woman of strength.
I AM a woman of love, with so much of it to give and the mental and emotional capacity to receive.
I AM a woman with a body, but I am NOT defined by my body.
I AM a woman with a story.
I AM a woman with courage.
I AM a woman with a past, but I am NOT defined by my past.
I AM a woman with passion, compassion and empathy, but I am NOT to be bulldozed.
I AM a woman who has struggled and still struggles from time to time, but I am NOT my struggle.
I AM a woman who is flawed.
I AM a woman who is learning, evolving, breaking cycles.
I AM a woman who is unraveling.
I AM a woman who is healing.
I AM still here.
Earlier this year, I chose me. I chose to dig deep and follow my intuition and listen to my gut for the first time in my life. That decision set the tone not only for this year, but for the rest of my life. It was literally like my whole life flashed before my eyes- and it was then that I knew what I was capable of again. It was then that I was reminded of the power that I hold and the resilience that is instilled in me. It was then that I knew the work within myself was just beginning.
It has now been 6 months since I chose me and I haven’t looked back- I only choose to continue moving forward. My life is evolving is ways I couldn’t have imagined it would be 5 years ago and it was this morning while I was having breakfast that I remembered why I started this blog. I’m on a journey of uncovering myself, of self-discovery, of healing. And I am here to share that story with you all. I am here, so you’re not alone. I am here in my purest form and will continue to write and speak with transparency, intent and love.
“The most important gaze you’ll ever be in is your own.” –@garancedore
It’s 7:00 am on Friday, March 29th- I wake up in a panic before realizing I’m not late for work. Otis lets out a big yawn and walks over to me to say good morning. I get up, feed him, open up all the blinds in my bedroom and living room to let in some light, make my bed, make some coffee and sit with my thoughts for a few minutes. I think Otis can sense I’m in a funk..I actually think he has been able to sense it all week.
The last few days I’ve been feeling really down. I don’t know where it came from or who/what caused it. I woke up on my birthday hungover- too much fun I suppose and totally thought it was a case of the hangover blues, until I woke up this morning finding that it’s carried on through this whole week. It’s like 29 brought on this cloud and it’s just keeps raining down on me.
After just sitting and listening to the birds chirp for a few minutes, I realized that at some point in time, I let someone or something steal my energy and spirit and it got the best of me which caused me to spiral into bad habits that I masked with fun and “birthday vibes”. Complete opposite of how I had imagined waking up on my birthday. Again, too much fun.
I tried to recover and keep my spirits up throughout these last few days but things that would normally bring me happiness and peace, just haven’t. Aren’t. My home has felt dull and dark, my sleep is all out of whack and I’ve just been so tired.
This morning, letting in some light and just being. Just listening. Just existing. Brought me a bit of peace again. Is this how I am really feeling? Am I really down and out? Or is this my emotional past trying to recreate itself because I haven’t been able to part ways with it yet? One thing I was able to come to terms with again is that I know who I AM. I know how strong I AM. and I know that my past doesn’t define who I AM today. It’s easy for us to fall back into old habits and it’s easy for past experiences that have left scars on us to creep back up and push us to repeat behaviors. Further causing emotions to be felt over and over because it’s all we have known for so long.
But what brings us back is being aware enough of ourselves. When our minds are racing and emotions are high, being patient with ourselves and taking the time and the effort to calm and refocus our minds.
Let some light in today, listen to the birds chirp and just be.
It’s currently 7:30AM and dude, have I realized that early mornings are where it’s at! I always claimed to not be a morning person because I love to sleep but honestly, all my best ideas come in the morning, there are way less distractions and it’s just so much more peaceful. So I’ve made it a point to start waking up earlier in hopes of being more intentional with my time in the morning and owning each day by starting with myself, FIRST.
I talked a little bit about self-care in my last post and I can’t believe its taken me 28 (almost 29) years to figure out what it really means. It’s not just going and spending an hour getting a mani/pedi. It’s not just spending an hour at the gym. It’s SO much more. It’s telling yourself everyday that you gon’ SHINE! It’s waking up in the morning, coffee brewin’, taking time meditate, pray to God, not wasting time on the old news (or what happened yesterday)…moisturize, exfoliate, most importantly, HYDRAAAAATE! See what I did there? If not, playback the single above one more time and get on that Self Care wave, ASAP. Shout out to @JamesLavigne for the New Year anthem. If this doesn’t motivate you, then listen to his other new single, Art Show– that will at least get you out of bed in the morning to start.
Like anything in life, self care is a commitment and should not only be a necessity but a luxury. It should never be a task. When I say commitment, I mean really setting time aside daily, once or twice or however many times a week, for however long a day, to unwind, break away from the superficial world known as social media, dodge the negativity, and do something for you. Whether that’s a morning or a night routine- the benefits of either are beyond worth it. I came across a website- mymorningroutine.com and for like an hour, read about all these different professionals routines. Inspiring, motivating, all of the above. Since I finally started my own routine, I figured I’d let you all in on it–
What is your morning routine?
I set my alarm to wake me up between 6:30-6:45 am. Although Otis has been good about getting me up around 6:15 lately…he’s become quite the morning doggo himself. I get a good solid stretch in, feed Otis, drink a big glass of chlorophyll water (look up the benefits of chlorophyll) and make coffee. I’ll then brush my teeth and do a quick skincare routine- wash my face, moisturize and use my knock off Nurse Jamie tool, which I use to reduce puffiness and just wake up the skin. So many other benefits to this nifty tool as well. While I enjoy my coffee, I jump into my agenda for the day. I’ll write down one BIG thing that I absolutely need to accomplish as well as my intentions for the day. “Intentions give you purpose, as well as the inspiration and motivation to achieve your purpose.” I love on Otis (my pup if you’re new to my blog) for a bit, make my bed (one task down for the day!) and then we head out for his morning walk. Come back, throw on a podcast (current fave is Second Life w/ Hillary Kerr), get ready for work and then I’m out the door.
How long have you stuck with this routine so far?
All of 3 weeks- better late than never!
How has your morning routine changed over recent years?
Some days I’d wake up on time, other days I’d wake up in a rush with barely enough time to make coffee. Once I adopted Otis, I was forced to wake up earlier to feed and walk him but then it got to a point where I was waking up, rushing and leaving just enough time to get a quick walk in with him. Then I’d be running to my office and showing up literally 4 minutes late, religiously. It’s never been the most consistent nor did it ever set me up for a successful day.
What time do you go to sleep?
Between 10:30-11:30. I used to be in bed my 10PM. Literally, shut off all the lights, tv off, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light. In the last year or so, I’ve had so much trouble falling asleep, which then turned into trouble staying asleep- acute insomnia, I learned. Since starting therapy this year, my sleep has significantly improved.
Do you do anything before going to bed to make your morning easier?
I go to the gym at night, usually from 8-9:15. Home by 9:30, set my coffee timer, jump in the shower, do a nighttime skin care routine, journal my gratitudes for the day and lastly, read a a chapter or two (currently reading The Broke Millennial– Financial wellness post coming soon) to calm my brain.
How soon after waking up do you have breakfast, and what do you typically have?
I started intermittent fasting last year and now eat breakfast around 10-10:30am. During my work week, it’s usually 3 boiled eggs and a handful of berries. On my days off, I’ll take the time to make avocado toast with eggs. I plan to start incorporating celery juice first thing in the AM as well. Yup, jumping on the bandwagon! Read up on the benefits, here.
Do you have a morning meditation routine?
Still trying to get my brain and body to understand the practice. I know it’s essential, but shutting down my brain for a few minutes is harder than it seems. Definitely a work in progress that I hope to make a regular part of my routine in the future.
Do you answer email first thing in the morning or leave it until later in the day?
I now wait until I am actually in my office to answer emails. I’ve gotten better in general in the last couple of weeks of avoiding my work email when I’m home.
Do you use any apps or products to enhance your sleep or morning routine?
I use the Insight Timer App to help me fall asleep. Oddly enough, I can’t fall asleep in silence anymore which never used to be the case. The nature sounds help ease me into sleep- a way of distracting me from my racing thoughts. In the morning, I throw on a podcast or TED talk.
How soon do you check your phone in the morning?
Almost immediately, but I avoid social media and emails until I’m in office. I mostly check text messages and maybe the weather.
What are your most important tasks in the morning?
My whole morning routine. It’s been successful since I started- I’m early or actually on-time to work now and not stressed.
What and when is your first drink in the morning?
Water and coffee, within minutes of waking up. Starting celery juice this week as well. My Ninja Blender is being delivered today!
Do you also follow this routine on weekends, or do you change some steps?
Thanks to my pup, I’m still up at 6:45-7:00- depending on my mood, I’ll usually jump back in bed for another hour after I feed him. Then I’ll get up and go through my normal routine at a more gradual pace.
What do you do if you fail to follow your morning routine, and how does this influence the rest of your day?
Rush, rush and more rushing. I’m lucky enough to live where I work, so my office is only a 5 minute walk away, however I just feel so stressed when I don’t have time to make coffee, let alone put on mascara and then feel even more badly when I didn’t spend enough time with Otis on his walk. Doesn’t set me up for the best day, but once I get into the office, I try and take a few deep breaths and re-set before logging in for the day.
If you don’t already have a morning routine, I hope this helps to motivate you!
LAH - 